The art of self-forgiveness

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Self-forgiveness is an important subject that sometimes gets overlooked, especially in a world where we often have much to forgive others for!

It was Thich Nhat Hanh’s 94th birthday (or more properly – Continuation Day) on 12th October this year. He was asking people to carry on his teachings of mindfulness and forgiveness. I thought I would try to give him a present that he would like by forgiving someone.

As part of Vishen Lakhiani’s 6-phase meditation (see You Tube, Mind Valley) you have to forgive someone each time, so naturally I started with a long list! I gradually worked through them til I was really struggling and started to leave out that part. However, when it came to Thay’s ‘birthday’ I considered forgiveness again and realised I should include myself on that list!

It came to my attention again when my partner, Dan (who has the patience of a saint, and is generally the soul of compassion!) was out driving and getting very angry when someone was driving right up his boot. Dan being angry is a rare event, so I thought we should look into it to see what he was really mad about.

He said he was angry that people (who were driving up his boot) didn’t give others any space or consideration, and that they had no patience for others.

What you are angry at externally is usually something to do with yourself, so we considered his answer in that light and came up with: perhaps he was really angry that he didn’t give himself enough consideration and that he was very impatient with himself. This turned out to be spot on.

The reason I have told this story is to illustrate that very often when we think we are mad at others, we are actually mad at ourselves, and it is something that can get overlooked. In the main, people do tend to be too hard on themselves and need to cut themselves some slack.

We inhabit physical bodies and part of being human is that we are not perfect. We are not here to attain perfection either! We are here to try and improve ourselves, and to learn and grow within the limitations of a physical form.

So, starting from that premise, you’re human – you will make mistakes! However highly advanced you are spiritually, however many lives you’ve had and whatever ‘heights’ you have previously achieved, that is still the case. So let up on yourself! As long as you are not deliberately causing harm to others you can breathe easy, look at whatever the mistake was, decide not to repeat it and forgive yourself for your human ‘frailty’.

We are here to learn and grow. If there is no growth there is no life, or no point to life. Growth doesn’t have to be huge. Experiencing a sunrise can be growth! We are all growing and changing through our experiences and our interactions with each other. We learn what does, and doesn’t, piss each other off! And we learn how it feels when we behave in a certain way, and whether or not that is fulfilling or helpful for us.

Fully embracing the physical form and all the experiences that are available to us on this beautiful planet is something we will each do in our own unique way. Some will stumble more than others on the path. There is no one perfect strategy for being human or living our lives.

You can only try to do your best, monitor your actions and feelings and try not to repeat your mistakes. Physical incarnation brings its challenges, and it’s supposed to.

Thich Nhat Hanh would have us show compassion and love and forgive one another. This is a very worthy aim, but it is easy to forget that in order to forgive others, it is helpful to first forgive ourselves.

So lighten up. You’re going to make mistakes, but don’t brood over them. Pick yourself up and move forward. Show yourself the same love and compassion as you would show a child who is still only learning how things work. There is so much to know about life. We are still only learning, whatever age we are. Mistakes are part of that, and we should try and embrace them, and ourselves, with compassion and understanding. After all – charity starts at home, right?

Vibration – and what is that high pitched noise that only you can hear?

The other day, I was watching telly when I got a really loud high-pitched noise in my ear, only it wasn’t coming from the television, or anywhere external to me. I could hear it only in my head and it seemed to be coming from my right ear. Naturally I was curious about this and decided to ask our spirit friend, Moo, what it was all about.

We have had a situation before, where we heard these high-pitched noises inside our heads, and Moo told us that they were downloads – i.e. some information being sent on a vibrational level to our subconscious for processing.

I wondered if it might be a download, although it did seem particularly larger than life. Moo explained that it was a message from my mum. He didn’t say what it was, as it was apparently meant specifically for me. Dan, being Dan, decided that as we are very similar in vibration, that he would try and find out what the message was. Hey presto, he managed it! – and found it was a message about protection and it was in answer to something that I had asked without really being conscious of it.

Since we and everything around us are made up of molecules vibrating at a particular rate, it makes sense that spirit would transmit messages and downloads of information in this way.

It is something to think about however, when you hear those high frequency noises coming from inside your head. It may be that someone is trying to give you some information. So, with that awareness you can always ask your intuition what it is about.

If you can’t get an answer, don’t worry. Be comforted by the fact that there is someone there looking out for and helping you. If you are at all worried that the vibration or information might be from a dark or unhelpful energy then remember you can always ask 3 times whether the originator or energy is from the light.

There is a universal law that states that beings must answer truthfully if you ask 3 times. You can also ask for, or invoke, divine protection and it is a useful thing to do in any case as there are many unhelpful energies floating about. For example, all the negative images and messages on social media, or the news, or just in the heads of people around you.

If you make it a habit to ask for divine protection then you can’t go far wrong. I am so used to using my intuition inside a protected field of energy that can only do good, that I don’t have to think about it anymore. It has become second nature.

Although we can’t understand these messages or downloads at first, we may find that we have a creative thought or a helpful idea a short while later. This is your subconscious translating it for you and bringing it up to your conscious attention.

Other times though, you don’t need to translate the message! There was a time, not long after my mum had died, when my dad and I were having a massive argument and shouting at one another. Quite suddenly, in the middle of all this, came a very high pitched noise, that I knew for a fact did not come from the smoke alarm, the refrigerator or any of the other electrical items in the house.

We both stopped dead and I said, ‘What was that?’  He said, ‘Probably your mum.’ I agreed it was probably her, telling us to shut up! This made us both laugh and we were able to leave the argument and move on.

So bear in mind, spirit, being nonphysical, can use vibration in various different ways, and is particularly good at making high-pitched noises, whether inside or outside of your head. So pay attention next time and see if there is anything you need to know. And if you’re in the middle of a row. Well… you know what to do! 😉

Holiday revelations!

 

I finally had some time out this year. Just one week, away from everything. And boy did it throw up some revelations! There is something to be said for stopping completely. No obligations, commitments, worries, chores or duties. Creating a space, however, always allows for something new to flow in – hence the revelations.

One big eye-opener for me was the feeling I got when I realised I didn’t have to meet any obligations or expectations – including and particularly – my own! Since I was ‘away’, I couldn’t be distracted by household chores, or things that needed doing in the garden. There was no phonecall to be made to my dad every day, no clients, no writing targets and no need to contact friends and family, as they knew I was away.

I actually had to go and lie down for a couple of hours to try and adapt to the massive change in energy that resulted.  I realised that worry over my obligations to others had been weighing me down – and not just a little, but by several tons!

It’s not that other people had been ‘putting on me’ or demanding that I help them out. Far from it. It was my own inner taskmaster!

I love to make a difference to people’s lives and I particularly feel for them when they are stuck as I know what it’s like. It doesn’t mean that I’m never going to attempt to help them out but I’m not going to blame myself if I don’t have the time and energy or if other priorities get in the way.

What I have come to realise is that I am not responsible for other people lives, or for how and why they have got to where they are. You’d think this would have been obvious! But not to me apparently!! – and I’m sure there are others like me out there, who mistakenly assume it is their job to take on responsibility for the happiness of the whole blooming world! 😉

The irony of it is that as a result of this new perspective, I am starting to feel stronger and lighter, with more capacity to help the people that I wanted to help in the first place! So if there is anyone else like me out there, you don’t have to give up helping out, but you do need to keep it in accordance with your own needs and where the other person is in their healing journey. Sometimes people are just not ready for change.

It is a hard thing to do but sometimes, letting go, can result in allowing more of what we actually want into our lives, whereas by trying to take control, we actually keep it away.

The Universe has its own ebb and flow and we need to go with that flow rather than against it. All things come to pass, without trying to force them to happen in the way we think is best. The more you let GO – the more you let IN. Just give it a go sometime and see how liberated you feel!

The Hidden Power of Playfulness

Just me Hands

Image by lisa runnels from Pixabay 

Most people aren’t aware that ‘play’ is a very powerful thing.  The less limits you impose upon yourself when looking for a solution, the greater the range of options available to you. The more relaxed and free you can be in your energy, the easier it will be to reach a state of flow with your intuition and inspiration. Ideas and solutions will come rapidly and without effort.

Play is a willingness to be much more free in our expression. So much of the time, we feel we must keep our feelings, our facial expressions, our urges to dance etc, to ourselves.  We have been brought up hearing a variety of old adages, among others:

  • Children should be seen and not heard
  • Sit still and don’t make a fuss
  • Don’t be a showoff
  • Don’t blow your own trumpet
  • Put other people first
  • Don’t attract attention to yourself

boy behind wire fence

Image by ibrahim abed from Pixabay 

A lot of these ideas are reasonable in context, but the trouble is, they get embedded in our subconscious, so we tend to always act according to those guidelines, even if we are not aware of it. Putting other people first is polite and friendly, but isn’t a good idea all the time. You need to put yourself first now and again, or you tend to get stuck in the default behaviour pattern of ‘I must put everyone else first.’  This then becomes an imbalance, and you will inevitably suffer from it in some way, mentally, physically or emotionally. There needs to be a balance.

It is the same with play and self-expression. Take a job interview for example; that would be a sensible place NOT to fully express your urge to dance, giggle and pull stupid faces! (Wait til you get out of the room at least!) 😉

It just takes a bit of common sense, and lo, you realise you CAN express yourself as you feel in the current moment. As an example, while giving my hands a break from typing this article, I decided to ‘play the piano’ on my gel wrist support. It was quite fun, gave my mind a break for a few moments and then I was back typing. I didn’t stop to wonder whether or not that was silly and I wouldn’t have if I’d been in an office environment either.

Who cares if you play the piano on your wrist support in your micro breaks? You still get the work done! You’ll feel more cheerful and your energy will thank you because it is not being contained. The thing people don’t realise is, being repressed and holding yourself back even in small ways TAKES ENERGY! You are devoting a proportion of your energy resources to this, when you could be using it on something you want to do.

That is one bonus of allowing yourself to be playful. The other is even more powerful. For example, in our Multi-Dimensional Healing work we are constantly looking for answers, tuning into the energy of the client and allowing ourselves to receive the information that we need to help the person.

You might think that you need to ‘REALLY CONCENTRATE’ in order to pull that off. But really concentrating is a form of resistance – because it means MAKING A BIG EFFORT. Effort means pushing against something and another word for that is resistance. What you resist persists, as I’m sure you’ve heard elsewhere.

So what is the answer? Not to try? Well, it’s more a case of ‘letting go’. ALLOWING the answers, the energy, the information to come, rather than pushing for it. It’s much easier that way and the quality of the information or inspiration will be much more helpful.

So in our work we find that humour, playfulness and relaxation are a much more effective way to get the best results. If you are telling us something serious or sad we won’t laugh and joke around, but at the same time we can’t allow it to upset us or make us too sad for you.

Our job is to detach from our emotional feelings and just allow ourselves to receive the information that would be most helpful at the time. That is the way we can perform best and be most useful to our clients.

It works well outside of the clinic room too. Where we can feel really sad and upset for other people’s lives and situations, we try not to allow it to bring OUR energy down, as if WE are down we cannot help anyone else.

Generally, if you are relaxed, laughing and playful your energy will be higher than if you are concentrating furiously, or trying really hard. The optimum state to be in for results is flow; it doesn’t matter if you’re a tennis player, a pianist or an accountant.

Being in a state of flow allows everything that you need in each moment to come to you.  If you are trying too hard, you hold it back from yourself and if you are sad or down, then again it limits the flow.

What we are actually doing by holding ourselves back, is cutting off our own potential. So think about how you behave and whether you are unconsciously following rules that you might have learnt in childhood, that are not appropriate right now.

It’s a beautiful world, but it is also ugly, depressing and full of things to bring you down. What the people and the planet needs most is joy, and the best way to reach that state is freedom of expression through fun, play and laughter. These are the energies that will help transform the world and can be a wonderful tonic to the people around you as well.

 

The Secret to Perfection is it’s actually impossible.

I was surprised but nonetheless greatly relieved, when Moo mentioned that ‘Source isn’t perfect’. Now that might sound shocking to some, but it’s not that simple. When trying to explain the force that makes up living energy, simple doesn’t come into it!

Perfection is a limited state, from which there can be no growth and Source is not limited, therefore Source is not perfect.  As Source, or ‘All That Is’ contains all things, then it contains both the perfect and the imperfect together.

I pricked up my ears when I heard that. Does this mean I don’t need to be 100% perfect I asked myself? What a relief! Suddenly the pressure was off. It meant I could make a mistake, forget to, or be unable to, use right speech, I could have an uncharitable thought or a jealous feeling. And – get this – I would be ok! I would still be a good person. It was ok not to get things right all the time! However, just because I don’t have to strive for perfection it doesn’t mean I don’t strive for IMPROVEMENT.

We are constantly growing and seeking to expand our experience, ideally in a positive way.  I’m always looking to improve the way I feel, think and speak. I’m always refining techniques to find new and better ways of helping people. All those are worthy aspirations – but the key word here is to improve, or make better, not to make perfect.

Although I try to be accepting and tolerant of others, I do get irritated by the fact that society seems to have such expectations of perfection. Celebrities are the obvious example; they must look perfect, have a perfect marriage with perfect children and never make mistakes – or we heap them with scorn and derision and troll their Twitter accounts! However, we non-celebrities are just as quick to judge and ‘unfriend’ each other when people don’t match up to the standards we have created for them.

As a therapist I also feel that expectation extends to me. If I help clear people’s energy blocks and emotional baggage it must mean I am completely free of them myself.  Sorry to disappoint, but, nope!

I have worked through an enormous emotional backlog over the last few years but I’m not there yet! I’m so much healthier and happier but I still have work to do. After all, I have a job, chores, books to write, a life to lead! I can’t spend 24/7 working on myself – and neither can Dan! Plus these things take time – it’s a bit like the bereavement process in that respect. It takes as long as it takes!

But even if you clear ALL your stuff you won’t be immune to mistakes. As one inspiring (but not actually perfect) celebrity says; it’s not your mistakes but how you deal with them that counts.

In the quest for a better society, we could start by not expecting quite so much from others. Try allowing for people to get it wrong, see if they do indeed learn and move on. And then maybe, applaud, because it takes some doing and ‘there but for the grace of God go I.’ Anyone can slip up, no matter how ‘sorted’ they are as a person, how much ‘baggage’ they’ve cleared.

It might not make the world a perfect place 😉 but it would be a whole lot happier and better for it. We’re all doing our best in difficult circumstances. So if someone slips up try not to judge them too harshly. Unless you’re perfect of course…